Thursday, June 09, 2005

My Yankee Pig Dog

I just got an email from my friend Mike, the one currently in Vietnam. Apparently life on the other side of the globe is going per usual.
Is this the first time he's mistaken a good girl for a prostitute? No.
Is this the first time he's gone to work in a rude mood and sporting a bloody nose? Nope.
Is this the first time he could have avoided a confrontation with a bit of levelheadedness and deep breathing? No. No. No.

If you are interested in living vicariously through one of the good fellas, read on darlings.


Well, its about 4:30 pm here. I'm due in at about 6 pm. Let me tell you about my last 24 hours. Those who know me well will no doubt find this amusing and very Mike-like.

The girl from last night.

It was cold and rainy night. Kind of miserable. I just got my own place at this hotel that's pretty cheap. {The fast girl who paid for their escape to Vietnam} and I separated amicably a day before.

A girl I had met for drinks a few days before spotted me walking and I was able to coax her into going back to my hotel after a nice romantic drive around the city. Her English is marginal at best but as we all know 90% of human communication is body language. We ended up back at my place for a good shag. We had a good romp though sadly she made the mistake of saying in broken English "Mike, I love you". Which immediately turned me off. You see here in Vietnam there are 2 kinds of girls. Hookers and good girls.

Good girls take months to shag if you can at all, hookers of various kinds do it for money, entertainment, ect. Anyway, after a good shag she asked me for some cash for gas for her moto bike. I thought this was her nice way of asking for her 200000 Dong (13 USD). So I told her I didn't have much and asked if 150000 dong was ok for tonight. She immediately got this really hurt look and started to sob. So I thought...fuck maybe she really needs the 200000 dong. So I say sorry and give her 200000. Now she goes hysterical. "I'M NOT MONEY GIRL, WHAAHAAAH!!!" and throws the 200000 Dong at me. Apparently she wasn't a hooker but really liked me and needed 100000 Dong for gas. The bike was her mothers and she didn't want to give it back with no gas. I was told all this by the hotel guy the next day. Anyway I felt like a real jackass....

The beat down by the lake.
Today I awoke in a shit mood. Given the events of last night it was understandable. So I go for a nice walk by the lake. Now you must understand that if you are white you will be constantly asked to buy things from people selling various shit all fucking day. It gets old fast. There were 3 guys and the littlest guy (maybe 5'8 and 110 lbs) says "Hey man, where you going." I ignore him and move on, he runs up "Where you from!"

Me: From my momma, now fuck off, eh.
Him: Where you going now?
Me: To your mamma's house, now fuck off, eh.

So I keep walking and I hear him talking to his friends saying, "fuck you, fuck you man, fuck you"

At this point my dear friends I just snapped. I turned around and came right up on him and picked him up by his shirt and tossed him about 5 steps back.

"Watch your mouth you little fuck." At this point he rights himself and starts towards me quickly. I don't even think about it and just react. I drill this little bastard about 4 times in the nose and mouth. Down he goes. Now his two big friends jump in from the sidelines.

For the next 30 seconds I'm treading water just to stay on my feet. I end up with a bloody nose and the police came. They asked everyone what happened and if anyone wants to file charges. Nobody does and we all go home. Now I have to go to work.

Today was a good example of when keeping it real goes wrong. I will console myself with chocolate ice cream and a couple girls after work. Things are alright here but I'm looking forward to making enough to go back to the Philippines. There is a branch of my current school in the Philippines and maybe in a few months I can transfer. Hope to hear from you guys soon. I miss ya.

Yankee pig dog,

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Just a few photos.

I've found another internet cafe but this time we are in NYC. I've never been to the city before and I think I'm in love. (I am so easily charmed.) This is such an interesting place! I'm sure New York City is going to have to be a post all of it's own.

But for now...

The photos are slowly filtering in from the family. I don't have many just at the moment, but I have one and I am way too thrilled to keep it to myself.

This is a pretty good photo of us at the ceremony site. Cute hat, huh?

I looked longer for the perfect shoes than I did for the dress. Oh, I love these shoes.

I will add additional photos of some of the folowing soon.
1. My reluctant flower girl (I hope the experience wasn't too tramatic for her.)
2. The swing band.
3. My favorite lushes getting sloshed.
3. My tight laced guests getting sloshed.
4. Me getting sloshed.

ect, ect, ect.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Wireless internet discovered!

Hello all! Just a side-note, I've been drinking leftover red wedding wine and my id is conducting this guest post. Sorry for the long delay...I've been preoccupied.

We're in the Pocono Mountains and we've just now found internet access. For the last few days I've thought to myself "If I were a hard-core blogger, I would have given hour-by-hour (or at least day-by-day) accounts of The Wedding." But I'm not and I didn't.

Here is the overview:

Because there were numerous thunderstorm forecasts, I had consoled myself that a rainy wedding day would be very "noir" and thus, not too bad. However, my aunt, a nun, offered to be in charge of the weather. I agreed and it turned out to be a perfectly beautiful day; sunny with puffy white clouds.

The ceremony was lovely, the reception was awesome. The swing band was worth every penny even after I paid for an extra two hours overtime.

The cake was grand, the catering was two hours late but divine none-the-less, the wine was plentiful and anyone who didn't attend missed out on a hell of a party. That's all I'm going to say about that, buster.

Afterwards we took off to a semi-swank hotel bar to meet up with the youths for drinks. I had 1.75 dirty martinis. Lost part of a martini on my dress due to drunkenness and a surprise guest. You lying sack of shit. Not that it matters - dirty martinis don't really leave much of a stain.

Anyway, we stayed in the semi-swank hotel and the next morning I realized I didn't bring any luggage for us. Normally this wouldn't be a problem.

So...he put on his tux and I my wedding dress and we shlepped ourselves, (hung over and stinky) out to a nearby clothier. I felt like such a fool standing in line for the fitting room with my wedding dress on. Imagine.

It was a bitchen' party. I'll post some pictures soon on the wedding site. Until then you'll just have to keep your pants on and wait.