Monday, January 17, 2005

A 25¢ fortune

I am not a religious person. If someone asks, I tell them I am an atheist to watch them squirm – most people squirm here in the Midwest at the thought of a godless person. (To make themselves feel more at ease, individuals have told me that I wasn’t an atheist, but more likely an agnostic. This is untrue, agnostics are the worst cowards.)

I’m not religious but I am unfalteringly superstitious. I throw pennies in fountains and salt over my shoulder. I have a horseshoe and I read my future in chicklets.

How might one read the future from a handful of colorful gum?

Red denotes love
Pink is for romance (sex)
Orange is wellbeing
Yellow is happiness
Green indicates money
White is the most important because it is the comparison color

If the number of any one color is greater than the number of white chicklets, you can expect an increase in that area. If the number is less than the number of white, expect a decrease. Equal numbers of color and white chicklets indicates no change.

For instance, my fortune:

One pink and one green. I'm not going to get a raise or get laid.
Happiness is uncharacteristically high, and apparently I am loved.

The Fiancé:

Just one red and one pink. I guess I am pretty mad at him. Happiness and cash flow are stagnant. But whoa, look at the wellbeing in that future!


Blogger greyguitar said...

that is classic!

i can't WAIT to head over to the grocery store and utilize my last quarter that was supposed to be for the parking meter.

my luck, there would be no white and then i'd realize they all had the letter "M" on them and curiously tasted like chocolate.

11:32 PM  
Blogger Latigo Flint said...

That is easily the best forture telling method I've ever heard of - and if it turns out to be less than accurate, Hey, you still got yummy chicklety goodness out of the deal!

3:59 PM  
Blogger Noir Muse said...

May you always have many colorful chicklets in your hands and the white ones few and far between. (And may they never end up tasting like chocolate...)

10:31 AM  

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