Sunday, August 20, 2006

The Intern II

At eighteen Intern is the poster child for a pre-university student. She's an unpredictable, irrational adolescent who was granted the troubling adult power and influence of operating a motor vehicle. She's like a beautiful young squirrel...a squirrel with an a-bomb in its cheek.

Intern: (after returning from an errand to the office store) Oh my god! I am so mad! Some lady almost drove into me on the road. She was going so sloooow so I got in front of her and had to stop fast at the light and she started screaming at me, like, "Learn to drive!" and I was like "You learn to drive!" and then she went around me so I drove right up to her bumper, right? Anyways she pulled over and was writing down my license plate number and I told her she was crazy. GOD! Like it's totally, totally her fault – right?

::on and on it goes::

During the height of Motor City's summer season (also known as "Orange Cone" season, or "Road Construction" season), Intern arrived at the office with her new car – a spankin' red Toyota Celica.

Intern: Hi. (waits expectantly for my attention)

Noir: Oh...hello there, Intern. How are you?

Intern: Ohmygod! Ohmygodohmygod!! (squealing in a sudden burst of energy and clapping her hands) I got it! I finally got my car! Come and see! You have to come outside right now!

Noir: I thought your license was suspended.

Intern: Oh, it's only kind-of suspended.

::The squealing continues all the way outside::

Intern: See? Isn't it beautiful?? I mean I'm totally in love with it. My dad said I couldn't have it and I said that I was going to get it anyway, you know? Because it's my money so I can buy whatever car I want to, right?? And I was like, I love it so I want it. And he was like, "it's too low to the ground and it's gonna' scrape.' And I was like, Dad! I told him they design it to look like it's gonna' scrape but it wont scrape. Why would they make it scrape?? Anyways.

Noir: It's lovely.

Intern: And see, it even has leather seats! (squeal and prance around)

::I open the passenger door and can't help but notice the collapsible road construction sign forced into the hatchback::

Noir: Um...what's that?

Intern: UH! Never mind that sign in the back seat there. It’s NOTHING. It’s my friends...thing. I’m going to bring it to her after work.

She's stolen her first road sign, folks. Now I know that despite my reservations, she's truly ready to start college.