Friday, April 15, 2005

Diet soda test strip.

I wish someone would just sit down and invent a diet soda test strip.

I don't usually drink soda, but when I do I can't be wasting precious calories on a non-alcoholic drink. I have to save every available calorie for something worthwhile.

Like champagne and brie.

Here's the problem - when I'm served a soda, unless I open it myself, how do I know it's a diet? How do I know the waitress isn't maliciously tricking me into sucking down several hundred calories?

I need a discrete test strip, not totally unlike a pregnancy test, that would help me determine that what I am drinking is in fact calorie free. Just remove the plastic cap, completely moisten the absorbent tip and wait five minutes.

Two lines means you've got a diet soda
One line means you don't!


Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Well, just make the nineteen year old server sip it first and watch her thighs carefully for the next week. Right? Right?

5:03 AM  
Blogger Seanachie said...

I think I've got something of a built-in diet soda detector. Whenever I'm mistakenly given one of those beverages, the aspartame makes my teeth and tongue feel hairy. And then I have to return it, because I'm usually without a comb.

1:04 PM  
Blogger greyguitar said...

But if they make and patent this product, why not just make one that doubles as both the diet soda AND pregnancy test.

or not. ha.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Noir Muse said...

I follow where you're going, Mr. Flint. I need a royal taster - preferably one with a hairy tongue gene.

What say you, Trite? Have you secured a position with the Russian mob yet, or are you still available?

Rob - I like the resourceful way your mind works.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Seanachie said...

Interminably available - I shall submit my résumé post-haste.

12:33 AM  
Blogger cl said...

I think it's because some restaurants, especially fast food joints, add a lot of syrup to their mix, but diet is still diet. So I might think for a while that I can't tell, but trust me, open up a regular Coke and have a swig (you can always spit it out), and you'll know the difference again.

10:57 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home