Friday, April 15, 2005

Diet soda test strip.

I wish someone would just sit down and invent a diet soda test strip.

I don't usually drink soda, but when I do I can't be wasting precious calories on a non-alcoholic drink. I have to save every available calorie for something worthwhile.

Like champagne and brie.

Here's the problem - when I'm served a soda, unless I open it myself, how do I know it's a diet? How do I know the waitress isn't maliciously tricking me into sucking down several hundred calories?

I need a discrete test strip, not totally unlike a pregnancy test, that would help me determine that what I am drinking is in fact calorie free. Just remove the plastic cap, completely moisten the absorbent tip and wait five minutes.

Two lines means you've got a diet soda
One line means you don't!

6 Comments:

Blogger Latigo Flint said...

Well, just make the nineteen year old server sip it first and watch her thighs carefully for the next week. Right? Right?

5:03 AM  
Blogger Seanachie said...

I think I've got something of a built-in diet soda detector. Whenever I'm mistakenly given one of those beverages, the aspartame makes my teeth and tongue feel hairy. And then I have to return it, because I'm usually without a comb.

1:04 PM  
Blogger greyguitar said...

But if they make and patent this product, why not just make one that doubles as both the diet soda AND pregnancy test.

or not. ha.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Noir Muse said...

I follow where you're going, Mr. Flint. I need a royal taster - preferably one with a hairy tongue gene.

What say you, Trite? Have you secured a position with the Russian mob yet, or are you still available?

Rob - I like the resourceful way your mind works.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Seanachie said...

Interminably available - I shall submit my résumé post-haste.

12:33 AM  
Blogger cl said...

I think it's because some restaurants, especially fast food joints, add a lot of syrup to their mix, but diet is still diet. So I might think for a while that I can't tell, but trust me, open up a regular Coke and have a swig (you can always spit it out), and you'll know the difference again.

10:57 PM  

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