Canada

The boy and I went to Canada yesterday, at my request. I am desperate. For speed.

To reiterate from a previous post, the only real problem with ephedra is that it works. Being a broken woman, I have no intention to describe the nefarious and collaborative deeds of the pharmaceutical industry. Deep down I am a conspiracy theorist, but grinding ones teeth and flapping ones jaws in frustration never did anything to change anything. So I don't waste my time.

The drive over the bridge to Canada was beautiful. It was late so everything was dark, except for millions of city lights on both sides of the channel, lights reflecting off the water and the stars in the sky. It was a perfectly clear night last night and because of this there was no snow accumulation today. Every northerner knows that when there is no cloud cover to act like a blanket on the sky, it is far too cold to snow.

On the other side of the bridge we encountered a lovely customs agent. She was sitting in her booth alone, her booted feet resting on her desk. She was someone's end all fantasy - long blonde hair, thin and in uniform. She had a bit of a French-Canadian accent and she interrogated us with staccato statements instead of questions.

"What's your nationality."
"Why did you come here."
"How long are you staying."
"Are you carrying any alcohol or cigarettes."

We answered truthfully; we are Americans, we came here to shop and we would stay only a few hours, we bought the obligatory liter of vodka at the duty free shop before we crossed the bridge. She asked if it was one liter between the two of us - or one liter each. We assured her it was only one between the two of us. She narrowed her blue eyes before she released us. We didn't even flinch.

The health food store we were looking for was difficult to find. We searched up and down Ouellette and Tecumseah roads (named after something French and a Native American leader respectively) Eventually we did find it, but because Canada banned ephedra too we went home empty handed.

In the back of my spice cupboard, I found a small amount of dried ephedra from the days when I worked in a health food store myself. A time when ephedra was legal and available for college students, middle class mothers and bodybuilders. I don't remember my original intention for buying bulk ephedra, but whoa, I am so glad I did. I'll make my own damn ephedra extract. Duty free liquor is the perfect ingredient for making the moonshine equivalent of diet pills.