Shameless Merchandising
Bows! Tulle! Rhinestones! Pearls! Hearts!
I have to take a minute here to comment on the ridiculous wedding crap I've been seeing advertised lately. I can't even believe this garbage that is being toted as "Wedding Essentials," and I am flabbergasted that anyone would want to be seen with this at their wedding - let alone actually pay for it.
The 10 Tackiest Things You Can Actually Buy For Your Wedding
10. Ugly Garter: Just look at this thing, could it be any more obnoxious? Yes, darlings, it could. When you press the middle part, it plays the wedding march.
9. Enormous Tiara: This rhinestone encrusted monstrosity just screams "I'm a princess, damnit! It's MY day and if I want the Cinderella Carriage I'm going to get it."
8. Multi-Tiered Cake: Now, if you don't have at least 3 tiers to your cake, everyone will think you are cheap, worthless trash. Oh, and the more candied flowers, fondant and fruits you have piled on it the better.
7. Obligatory Serving Set: Of course you have to have a decorated serving set that you will use only once. And after cleaning out all the frosting and cake from the engraving on it, you can pack it neatly away to treasure forever.
6. Cow Cake Topper: An explanation would be overkill.
5. Heart Shaped Guest Book: In the case that you didn’t get enough hearts with the heart ring bearer pillow, the silver heart shaped frames, and the heart candleholders, here we have a guest book in the shape of a heart. Covered in pearls. Yay.
4. Heart Shaped Rice: You know, ‘cause you got that heart shaped candy, and that heart shaped unity candle, and the heart shaped bow on the ass of your dress. It’s called a theme people!
3. Plume Pen: No wedding is complete without the oversized, fake plume pen. Uh, you know that’s just a white bic on the end there, right?
2. Pear Shaped Salt And Pepper Shakers: “And this adorable little silver plated favor will remind your guests that you are definitely the perfect pair!” Seriously folks, it’s fine to think of a pun in your mind. It’s not ok to say it out loud or otherwise impose it on others.
1. Dog Collar/Ring Bearer Pillow: For those who simply must include their dog in the wedding party.
I have to take a minute here to comment on the ridiculous wedding crap I've been seeing advertised lately. I can't even believe this garbage that is being toted as "Wedding Essentials," and I am flabbergasted that anyone would want to be seen with this at their wedding - let alone actually pay for it.
The 10 Tackiest Things You Can Actually Buy For Your Wedding
10. Ugly Garter: Just look at this thing, could it be any more obnoxious? Yes, darlings, it could. When you press the middle part, it plays the wedding march.
9. Enormous Tiara: This rhinestone encrusted monstrosity just screams "I'm a princess, damnit! It's MY day and if I want the Cinderella Carriage I'm going to get it."
8. Multi-Tiered Cake: Now, if you don't have at least 3 tiers to your cake, everyone will think you are cheap, worthless trash. Oh, and the more candied flowers, fondant and fruits you have piled on it the better.
7. Obligatory Serving Set: Of course you have to have a decorated serving set that you will use only once. And after cleaning out all the frosting and cake from the engraving on it, you can pack it neatly away to treasure forever.
6. Cow Cake Topper: An explanation would be overkill.
5. Heart Shaped Guest Book: In the case that you didn’t get enough hearts with the heart ring bearer pillow, the silver heart shaped frames, and the heart candleholders, here we have a guest book in the shape of a heart. Covered in pearls. Yay.
4. Heart Shaped Rice: You know, ‘cause you got that heart shaped candy, and that heart shaped unity candle, and the heart shaped bow on the ass of your dress. It’s called a theme people!
3. Plume Pen: No wedding is complete without the oversized, fake plume pen. Uh, you know that’s just a white bic on the end there, right?
2. Pear Shaped Salt And Pepper Shakers: “And this adorable little silver plated favor will remind your guests that you are definitely the perfect pair!” Seriously folks, it’s fine to think of a pun in your mind. It’s not ok to say it out loud or otherwise impose it on others.
1. Dog Collar/Ring Bearer Pillow: For those who simply must include their dog in the wedding party.
posted by Noir Muse at 5:53 PM
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